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Camazotz Automat:

Your dependable source for news from the future - covering the arts, entertainment, politics, religion, celebrities, science, and more.

First up:

This just in from November 13, 2009:

MADE IN CHINA.  AGAIN.
Physicists at CERN released a formal announcement of "group depression" early this Friday the 13th.   

This comes in the wake of last week's announcement that the Large Hadron Collider has turned out to be a medium at best and possibly even a small.

"Blast those supersizing Chinese!" exclaimed physicist Ron Cumbystein.  "I'm sick of all the competition!  It makes my ass experience magnetic quench!  It truly does!"

"He's just stressed out.  We all are," said another physicist who preferred to remain anonymous.  Side effects of the stress are manifesting in strange ways at CERN: "Yesterday someone disassembled the microwave in the breakroom.  The frustration has to come out in some manner.  It's hitting us all pretty hard."

Nerves in the scientific community were already raw from last month's revelation that China plans a manned mission to land on the moon in 2010, several years ahead of schedule.  Then last week came the news that China has been in the process of secretly building their own giant collider for the last seven years. 

China had no comment other than providing a photo of the secretive man they claim is behind the construction of this truly large and mysterious particle collider.
 

Pirate King Atomsk:
Haha. Well, of course their collider has to be bigger than "ours". They're just over-compensating for something else.  ;:)

Speaking of the LHC, it's broken already. Talk about a lame ass Doomsday machine.

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