But anyone here who is into prayer, or anything that resembles it, my brother could use it. He's facing a tough choice. Leslie (yep, that's his name, it's been a common male name in our family since long before anyone used it as a female name. It's also my son's middle name but I'll spare you the rest of the genealogy) is the eldest of my sibs - I'm the youngest and was a VERY late "whoops!" Les was in the air force in Iceland when I was born. He likes to tease and tell me I was a "PS: By the way . . ." in a letter from our Mom.
I've been so hunkered down with school over the past few months that I've only spoken to him by phone. His voice did sound funny - but as we are both prone to bronchitis, I didn't think much of it and he brushed of questions. I'm in MA - he's in NJ. I just found out though one of our sisters that he is in the final stages of a particularly fast moving form of Lou Gehrig's disease. I haven't been able to contact him, his wife, or the son whose house abuts his - so so far I don't know much more. Only this: While he and I have discussed death a number of times - and have both said we don't want to linger artificially, THIS is not what either of us had in mind. His mind is sharp as a tack. He has grandchildren who love him and with whom he is close, as well as two sons and four step-daughters (all adults) - but except for his first son form his first marriage, they are Vietnamese - and in a way that is a bit different than most American families these days they have a kind of closeness that is not just emotional, it's geographical. Living together, working together, staying connected in a hip-to-hip kind of way is the norm.
He has a huge choice to make: go home with hospice, be kept as comfortable as possible and let nature take it's course - or stay in a long-term medical center hooked to to whatever is necessary while his body continues to turn to shit. BUT - he will be able to know what's up with "the clan" and possibly find a way to communicate with them for a while.
What I want for him is to be able to make this choice with confidence and peace. What I want for me is to see him one more time while he can still talk.
This will not be the first time I've watched a brother or sister die. It will be the third. But, in the other two cases, the problem was cancer. When you are in pain, and out of it much of the time due to chemo and other meds, it's much easier to say "I'm sorry gang, I'm done." But - here is the ugly catch with this disease - by the time Les gets to that point, he won't be able to communicate. It sounds like a peculiar kind of purgatory to me, but it's not me, my life, and my children to consider.
All support welcome and thank you for reading. This was not easy to write so I may just cut and paste it on a couple of other forums where I know people are spiritually hooked-up. BTW - while he is nominally Christian, most of his family are Buddhist, of a sort - I've never quite understood the distinction, only that it's not as simple as being one of the two main branches we learn about in school. The point is that no one here on this side of the screen gives a rap how or by what name you connect to the divine. We'll only be grateful that you do.
