any time my phone rings or i have unread emails/private messages, i feel a quick burst of anxiety and butterflies in my stomach. it's like my body reacts physiologically because my brain knows a heaping of someone else's bullshit is about to be shoveled into my lap.
You should consider two means of responding to this: Have one cell phone for family and closest friends, and another strictly for work contacts. Create two email addresses, one strictly for private use, one for work. In this way you will have more control over when someone else's bullshit is about to be shoveled into your lap.
The human mind naturally gravitates to the most simple comprehension, and categorization of the world, therefore an intermingling of your stress from work with your private life creates innate confusion at some level, and hence the physical reaction. Add in a little "control" for you, in terms of making a dividing line between you and work, and anxiety should be reduced.