One very scary night:
George: Tonight the 'stache and I have a REAL treat for you: Steve Quayle and Major Ed "Clear the Room" Dames. Good evening, Gentlemen!
Ed: Good Evening... George. I am so happy to be.... here tonight. It reminds me of when I... was Col. of the News at the AFRTS network in... Korea, Vietnam, and Alpha Centauri (but I've said too much, that's proprietary). I like cheese.
Steve: Hello Ed, Hello George - though contrary to popular opinion, the term HELLO is actually a composite word meaning "May the Giants Who Ate My Grandmother With A Dash of Worcestershire Sauce Digest You Quickly", so unlike the uninformed, I don't ever use it like I just did. They may THINK they just heard me say it like I just did, but it's mind-rays from the brains of giants hidden in the depths of Lake Michigan.
George: Michigan! I'm from Detroit!
Ed: Yes, no, but perhaps, Steve. I saw your... grandmother get eaten... via remote viewing... on an Etch-A-Sketch when... I was still a foetus. A foetus... but already a Captain in the U.S. Army... and the Cub Scouts Auxiliary - but the Mossad blocked me from... telling her.
Steve: You're mistaken, like the vast majority of the public, Ed. As it says in the Book of Eucalyptus, "Verily, Ye Pentagon not only KNOWS of giants, but makes them dress up like Hello Kitty and perform scenes from Evita and Cats, and Jesus is pleased"
George - The 'stache and I just bought some gold, and the grandkids love it.
Ed: When I was... Chairman... of the Jointed Chiefs of... Military Guys, I remote viewed that, George. In... Ukrainian the word for gold is - well... I'd tell you but it could cause troubles for our bases on the Moon and Hoboken. I was packin' when I saw it, I tell you I was packin' big-time.
Steve: It will shock the listeners, George, but Jesus wants Ed to shut up and stop interrupting. The Giants are threatening to invade just for that very reason - I hope your listeners have stocked up 11 years worth of MREs and Twinkees. But they won't. Only I will.
Ed: I am remote viewing that Steve... is actually a battery-operated... marital aid used by female giants. I helped... discover... those when I was first appointed... Emperor of the Navy... we needed one... to help father my... genius son... who was recently named... King of... Science... after I remote viewed that... Albert Einstein (who was a Mossad mole) and... Stephen Hawking wanted it from beyond the grave.
George: But the 'stache informs me that Stephen Hawking is not in fact dead.
Steve: Your listeners will be blown away to find out that Stephen Hawking is actually a projection of a hyperintelligent shade of blue from another dimension, but in that dimension he is just a fry cook because he doesn't recognise Christ as his personal Lord and Saviour. And Jesus wants you to concentrate on me.
Ed: I'm sorry, George, but Stephen... Hawking is dead, he was killed the same... day I was appointed Eternal Overlord of the... Coast Guard. He was killed... by... a massive tidal wave that... destroyed New York City and Topeka.
George: Ummm... They're still there, my friends.
Steve: You've been duped, George! Topeka was eaten by a secret cabal of Bildebergers and QVC! Your listeners are just naive and buy the cover story that it was a so-called mid-January snowstorm. Whoever heard of a snowstorm in Kansas in January? They're so glutted with power they're hardly trying to hide their scheme...
- sounds of slapping and "hey, that HURTS" from the studio"